In this week’s newsletter, we’re tackling what people get wrong about self-care and how to fix it. I’m also hosting my first-ever YouTube Live session in a new format, where we’ll go deep on this topic, bust some common myths, and answer your biggest self-care questions.
And if stress has been hitting hard lately, I’ve just released a new 20-minute vagus nerve meditation to help you reset your nervous system and truly recharge.
Oh, and one more thing—the YouTube channel is closing in on 40,000 subscribers, and we’ve got half a million views per month! A huge thank you to all of you who’ve been part of this journey. Now, let’s dive in.
Why “Doing Nothing” Isn’t Self-Care (And What to Do Instead)
If you’re like most people, you probably don’t prioritise self-care—at least, not until you’re completely wiped out. And when you do finally take time for yourself, it’s probably something like collapsing on the couch, binge-watching a show, scrolling endlessly, or sleeping all weekend.
That kind of rest feels good in the moment. But here’s the real question: Does it actually leave you feeling better? Or do you find yourself still drained, still stressed, still on edge?
If so, you might not be doing real self-care.
The Problem: The Limbic Brain Trap
When we’re exhausted, our brain defaults to survival mode—and we move into the part of the brain called the limbic brain. This is the part that just wants relief now—which is why we reach for instant comforts like junk food, mindless TV, or hiding under the covers.
But here’s the catch: The limbic brain only cares about the short-term. It’s not thinking about what will actually make you feel replenished. That’s why a weekend of “rest” can still leave you feeling exhausted on Monday morning.
So, what’s missing?
Real Self-Care: Meeting Your Actual Needs
Genuine self-care isn’t about escape—it’s about identifying and meeting your deeper needs. Trauma expert Tim Fletcher breaks it down into 12 essential needs across three categories:
Physical: Basic care (food, sleep, hydration), pleasure (joy, movement), physical touch
Emotional: Connection, love, security, purpose, beauty, rest
Spiritual: Awe, meaning, peace
Most of us fixate on just one or two—usually rest or pleasure—and forget the rest. But true self-care means checking in with all your needs and taking intentional action.
How to Shift from “Quick Fix” to True Self-Care
Pause & Check In – Before reaching for an instant comfort, take a moment to notice what’s really going on. What emotions, sensations, or unmet needs are driving your urge to “check out”?
Identify Your Real Need – Are you tired, or just overwhelmed? Are you lonely, or just overstimulated?
Choose the Right Response – Instead of numbing out, try what actually meets your need. A phone call, a walk, a deep breath, or setting a boundary might do more than another episode of Netflix.
Reflect & Refine – Pay attention to what actually helps. If something leaves you more depleted, try a different approach next time.
Crisis vs. Long-Term Self-Care
There’s a difference between crisis self-care—where you take an emergency break after hitting burnout—and long-term self-care, which prevents you from getting there in the first place.
The goal? Build routines that keep your tank full, instead of waiting until you’re running on fumes.
▶ Watch: Self-Care Myths That Keep You Stuck in Burnout
Join Me Live
Most of us weren’t taught how to care for ourselves properly—so if you’ve ever felt guilty for resting or struggled to make self-care actually work, I’m hosting a LIVE YouTube session to help you change that.
Join me live: https://www.youtube.com/live/zmWM0u8hrI8
What we’ll cover:
✔️ Myth-busting: Why some forms of “self-care” leave you even more exhausted.
✔️ Practical strategies: How to build self-care into your life without it feeling like another task.
✔️ Interactive Q&A: Drop your questions in the comments of the video! The top-voted one gets a live answer from me.
Live Session Times:
Los Angeles: 1 PM, Sunday, 2nd March
New York: 4 PM, Sunday, 2nd March
London: 9 PM, Sunday, 2nd March
Sydney: 8 AM, Monday, 3rd March
Hit “Notify Me” so you don’t miss it, and let me know in advance in the video comments: 'What’s your biggest struggle with self-care lately?'
I’ll cover it live!
▶ Watch: 20 Min Vagus Nerve Meditation | Your Path to Stress Relief and Calm with Chibs Okereke
Need an instant way to calm your nervous system? My latest meditation guides you through a 20-minute vagus nerve activation—designed to shift you from stress to relaxation quickly.
This practice is perfect for:
✅ Reducing stress & anxiety
✅ Activating the body’s natural relaxation response
✅ Helping you wind down before sleep
With love
Chibs 💙
