Hey friends,
I had a little chuckle when I was on stage this week, because this is something that I constantly ask myself…
A bit of context.
I flew to London to do a keynote at Comcast and NBCUniversal's London office. Yes, it's a little bit far to fly for one talk, but I also got to see my family, and celebrate my nephew's first birthday, so well worth the 24 hours on a plane!
I'd just spent the whole hour giving advice to a roomful of people on how to regulate their nervous systems and look after themselves. Then there was some Q&A at the end. One of the questions was:
"How do we deal with the fact that it's so much easier to give advice than to apply it to ourselves?"
"Welcome to my world," was my answer.
Because honestly? Giving advice comes easy to me. I'm literally a professional advice giver.
Taking advice is a whole other thing.
If you've ever coached a friend through something with calm, considered wisdom, and then caught yourself 24 hours later doing the exact opposite for your own version of the same problem, you know what I mean.
It's easy to see other people's situations clearly because we're not in them. Our own situation comes with our nervous system attached. And our nervous system is biased. It's invested. It's trying to protect us in the best way it knows how.
So no. You're not broken. And you're not a hypocrite. You're just a human being with your own skin in your own game.
And yes, I'm talking to myself as per usual.
Anyhoo… Here's what I told the room next.
Ten years ago, if I had a properly stressful day, I'd reach for something unhealthy about 99% of the time. Wine. Chocolate. Netflix binges. Etc… That was my coping toolkit. That was my whole toolkit.
These days, when stress hits, I (often) reach for the healthy stuff. Breath, a walk, a meditation, an early night. I do this about 80 to 90% of the time. I'm definitely not perfect. But here's the good part:
The Malbec, the chocolate, the Netflix binges. They haven't disappeared. They migrated!
They're not (always!) stress responses anymore. They're (mostly!) celebration habits. Friday night habits. So for those of you waiting for me to say "give up all of your vices", you can relax. I don't think you have to. The thing to look at is when you're reaching for them.
So what changed?
Two things. First, I have more tools than I did back then. Ten years ago, I didn't know my breath could reset my nervous system. I didn't know about the vagus nerve. I didn't know that a 10-minute walk around the block could properly shift something. I just hadn't learned yet.
Second, I've built the habit of pausing. This is the one I really want you to hear.
Bad habits form fast. Good ones take longer. But daily mindfulness practice has given me a small, reliable window between when stress hits and when I reach for something. That window is where the choice lives. Without it, I reach automatically. With it, I reach deliberately.
I definitely don't get it right every time. Sometimes I just want to switch my brain off and numb out, and that's okay too. This isn't a perfection project. It's a self-compassion project. I'm aiming for ‘more often’, not ‘always’.
▶ Watch: If the News Is Keeping You Awake… Guided Sleep Meditation for Fear and Uncertainty
If the News Is Keeping You Awake… Guided Sleep Meditation for Fear and Uncertainty
One unhealthy habit I see people reach for automatically when the world feels heavy is doomscrolling at night. The news is bleak, sleep won't come, and scrolling one more hour somehow feels like the only option. If that's you this week, I made something for it.
It doesn't ask you to pretend everything's fine. It just helps the nervous system put it down for a few hours, so you can meet tomorrow with a steadier mind.
Much love,
Chibs 💙
